The Mystery of Sexuality

I think that it is meaningful to speak about or recognize the existence of happy, adjusted and wise LGBT and the existence of maladjusted miserable LGBT. Psyche = soul. Pathos = suffering. Logos = reason. Hence “psychopathology” SHOULD mean finding the reason for the suffering of the soul. Helping a suffering LGBT should mean making them a fulfilled LGBT at peace with who and what and where and when they are; helping should not mean “curing” LGBT or making people try to be something that they are not.

Actually I stole the best part (psychopathology) from the 1st page of a paperback entitled “The Nuts And Bolts of Jung” which I read in the mid 1980s and then lost.

I first discovered my sexuality when I was five years old. I was in the woods hanging from a branch with my legs pulled up like a frog. The other children were beginning to leave as a group. Part of me wanted to drop down and follow them. But another part of me realized that I was about to feel something. Something was about to happen which I did not understand but I had to wait and experience it. Then I felt the most intense pleasure I had ever felt in my life and I felt it in my groin. I was mystified. I never spoke about this to anyone. This was a special secret. No one else had ever discovered what I discovered. I would hang from the back of a chair in the living room and withing a few minutes I would feel that same ecstasy. BUT, I had to wait another day before it would happen again. I could tell from my parents reaction that I must always do this practice in secret. It had nothing to do with sexual attraction to girls or boys or anything else. It was a dry orgasm. I continued to experience this secret joy until one day when I was 10, something actually came out. I thought I was injured. I was horrified. I did not dare ask anyone’s advice. At the age of 10 I had NO idea where babies came from and no idea about sexual acts between people or about heterosexuals, homosexuals, lesbians.

I was from the age of 5 fascinated, curious to see a woman naked, but I did not know why and it had NO connection in my mind with the secret pleasure in my loins. As I look back on all this, my sexuality was some mysterious gift or miracle which simply “happened.” There is much more I could relate about my long and difficult journey of sexuality. I did not succeed in losing my virginity until I was age 30 and it was to a woman, also age 30 who had experienced five or six lovers.

It is because of my own personal experiences that I do not believe that sexual orientation is learned or can be taught. I am suddenly reminded of the times in Plato’s dialogues where the question is posted “can virtue be taught.” I shall post this for now…


One Response to “The Mystery of Sexuality”

  1. Jacobian Says:

    nice story,is that woman your wife now?

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